General Travel Humor
- If you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel.
- "The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage." -Mark Russell
- "Thanks to the interstate highway system, it is now possible to travel across the country, from coast to coast, without seeing anything." -Charles Kuralt
- What a hotel we're staying at! The towels are so big and fluffy, you can hardly close your suitcase!
- An elderly doctor and a Presbyterian minister were seated next to each other on the plane. The plane was delayed at the start due to some technical problems.
Just after taking off, the pilot offered his apologies to the passengers and announced that a round of free drinks would be served.
When the charming air-hostess came round with the trolley, the doctor ordered a gin and tonic for himself.
The hostess then asked the minister whether he wanted anything. He replied, "Oh no thank you. I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol".
The elderly doctor promptly handed back his gin and tonic to the air-hostess and said, "Madam, I did not know there was a choice."
Travel Agent Story
I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (Was she blonde?)
Flight Attendant Announcements
- "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
- "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
- "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
- "Last one off the plane must clean it."
- "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
- "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
